xoxoexo (xoxoexo) wrote,

la douleur exquise

la douleur exquise

hunhan // angst&romance // oneshot (6795 words) // pg-13

→ warning for character death and lots of angst awaits you!
→ please prepare a box of tissues. loljk i dont think this fic will make you cry
→ nonetheless, beta-ed by my fluffy bunny nasyarz and skinny piggy xwhiteapple I love you both reliable editors muacks! <3


"Hi there, what's your name?"

"Oh Sehun."

"And the other boy?"

"Kim Jongin."

“Different surnames?”

“We had different daddies.”

"Why are you out in the streets alone, Sehun?"

"I ran away from the orphanage."

"Would you like to join me, Sehun? I can bring you to a nice place to live in."

"I would love to, sir."


“The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.”

For Luhan, his fate was destined when he was born. A child prodigy, a protege by his trainers. There weren’t any shackles of nunchucks he was scared of, bullets of triggering memories that could end his life in just a tiny click. He was unmerciful; fearless like the wind. He was born to fight, to feel the sudden rise of perfection as he handles a knife with smooth velocity, the gush of fine euphoria to see someone be immodestly killed by Luhan’s own bare hands, the screams of agony ringing inside his ears. Oh the fun, Luhan was addicted to kill, to see people die like it’s his lifelong drug. The Sig Sauer p226, a Glock 26, the Bersa Thunder 380, his all-time favourite Taurus PT140 Millenium Pro with a caliber of 45mm, all of these are part of his life; his babies. They are what have kept Luhan alive till now. Yifan have stayed long to realize that changing Luhan’s personality is one in a million.

“You should stop it already, Luhan.”

Luhan spun around and smirked at Yifan, “No shit.”


“I can’t.”

“He’s dead for fucks sake!” the sounds of sirens wailing furiously, “Come on!”

Luhan threw the gun towards the dead man and went out of the window, “Yes, Kris, I will.”

“Now get out before the cops find you, ass,” Yifan flicked his forehead and pushed him up the rope.

Luhan gave a small shrug and climbed up, with Yifan following suit. He lighted up the grenade, throwing the object as far as he could before it reached the roof and bursted into tiny specks of dust.

“Ah, how nice,” Luhan watched as the building opposite of him collapsed slowly, “We did it.”

“And you almost got both of us killed,” Yifan commented sharply, walking back to their van, “Again.”

It was never heart-wrenching, death-taking, life-stealing. In fact, it was ecstasy, Luhan was in love with killing. He commits all his life into assassinating people, his missions are his soul. Just by a command, Luhan is already on his way, and he finishes them with a snap, rather than his companions, who knew that he was the best fighter yet they can never surpass the contrition of killing thousands of people. Luhan saw pride and dignity in himself, he was never ashamed to be called a heartless killer, because the truth is that he is. And so? There wasn't anything that could stop him. To be young and to be taught that emotions never exists, Luhan only knew one thing. To kill. The aching pain of his heart, the guilt of taking a person’s life was never there. Numb. The feeling was numb in his skin as his index finger continues to press the trigger without stopping, blood staining the cold grass and spreading like petals that fell from roses. Dark, dark roses. With thorns and veins. Joy, and lust of wanting to just see a person die. What is life? Luhan has no life, he’s just a ghastly soulless person living in this sickening world. To Luhan, everything has a season, and a time to every purpose: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

His time right now - or forever -, is to kill. To kill, but not to die.


Stirring in his sleep and rubbing the tire eyes awake, Sehun jolted up from his bed in a swift movement. His head abruptly pounded furiously against the impenetrable skull of his, and he blames himself for coming back so late and barren from all the killing. The suffocating atmosphere trapped in the linings of his windpipe as he breathes in the metallic smell wafting across the room made him throw up garbage as he entered the sickening lavatory of his. The bathroom isn’t that nice, that clean, and that 5 star as it is. More like sewers. And more rats. And he rinses off the stains of red and brown in between his nails, polishing without cursing how disgusting it looked like. He brushes his teeth a little bit too rough, the skin of his gum peeling off and leaving drops of blood in the toothpaste. Popping inside a few pills of panadol, his fingers recklessly combed through the sticky and dirty pieces of his hair. The scar on his head was partially visible, but he whacked a bandage there to prevent anymore damages happening to his face. Whatever the cause, his obliteration succeeded.


“Call to 991. The boss is arriving,” a click and a ring as Sehun have expected and -- “There you go,” he took his gun and buckled it into his belt before exiting the room like a mess.

He couldn’t say he enjoyed the stench of blood, and he definitely do not enjoy killing people for the sake of revenge, or just because. Sehun was forced into a deep trap that he himself didn’t know about. But it became a part of his life, he became used to all of this already. He was a rose, but there was still thorns, beautiful to see, but painful to touch. No one comes near Sehun, it was a matter of life and death whether friend or foe. It’s not that he was scary, but he was the leader’s golden egg. Everyone loves him, yet no one wants to get near him. He’s like an angel, but in some occasions he uses sinful ways to fulfill the boss’s needs. They don’t mind, people know why he acts cold and selfless around. It was destined and Sehun cried out for help so many times. No one came to save him from his sorrows and the thundering rain splashing down his face.

He knocked, once, twice--

“Come in.”

Sehun banged the door open with a loud thud, “You finding me, sir?”

He pulled out a chair for Sehun to sit. He obeyed. “This mission was the fastest and most successful one yet, Sehun-ah,” he lit his cigarette, the flame brighter than the sun.

“What do you need me for?”

“Sehun, have you ever walked beneath the dark sky while cannon boomed on your right and guns on you left ... the feeling that you could change the world only by being there?” a puff of smoke billowed forward, “Bliss, isn’t it? Assassinating people?”

Sehun clenched his fist tightly, “Shoot.”

“Assassinator, Luhan, 22, best fighter in the hidden Blue organization. He’s made of metal, hard to kill,” his slid a file for Sehun to check, does this all the time, “I want you to go slow now, he’s a tough guy to get near because he barely has any life in him. Get close to him, no feelings, and then, bam!” he clapped loudly, a snicker following, “You go for the kill.”

Sehun knew he couldn’t tolerate his boss’ barbarous actions. This guy named Luhan is ‘metal’? Then his boss would be diamond. Sehun just held the file tightly in his hands and stalked off without a word. Another mission, and this time, a harder one. He knew he was the James Bond, Jackie Chan, and Jet Lee of this organization, but he don’t want to die. This could lead Sehun to death if Luhan found out he was here to assassinate. To kill.


Out of reflex Sehun took his gun out, almost pulling the trigger as the nuzzle was pointed straight to the person’s forehead. This is what people mean by ‘Don’t get close to Sehun’ or ‘Sehun is dangerous’ because he doesn't trust people anymore. Not at all. He realized that it was his comrade, was his partner-in-crime, Byun Baekhyun. Soft, calm, and not a fighter, that’s why he was assigned to be a secretary instead. Sehun wasn’t... fond of this guy, but he couldn’t hate him either. From all of the people in this organization, the only person that do care to talk to him was Baekhyun. Baekhyun was close to Sehun, although Sehun never really thought of him as a close friend because he doesn’t make close friends. He doesn’t smile now, he doesn’t care about the world now. It’s now just him and the gun, and the person who he must assassinate. Sehun carefully lowered the weapon, tucking it back to his belt.

“I just want to know how your brother’s doing.”

Sehun resented this sentence, flipping his bangs with a loud hiss and stalked off. In a verge of anger, he punched the steel wall, dented and crushed to pieces of metals dropping to the floor with a loud clank, like a strong throw of wind surging forward to the pit of Sehun’s stomach. It hurts.

But Sehun isn’t heartless, like a machine. He still loves people, he has the nature to help people even though he seems like a cold bastard in some parts of the day, except for when he’s with his 5 year old brother, who was forcefully kept hostage in the devil’s dungeon. The only times Sehun could see his only beloved family is on weekends. He would spend time without caring to eat or to sleep, as long as his brother’s with him, it’s okay.

“And he’s fine. With the devil.”

He walked off again, not waiting for Baekhyun’s reply.

He does that all the time.


22. Sehun’s fingers traced the outline of his jaw and he crumpled the picture of Luhan, throwing it to the back seat. Luhan, 22. He doesn’t know much about Luhan. An assassinator, a metal man-made assassinator from birth, a killer, a fighter, the file barely said anything about this mysteriously indestructible guy. Roaring the engine to life, a burst of energy emitted from the car drove the Lamborghini with full speed, Sehun’s hand playing with the steering wheel in the midst of boredom and hectic fun. His head wandered across the white and black part of his lives in the middle of trying to find where the fucking cafe that Luhan frequently visit was. And sometimes he just doesn’t want to live. If he spins the wheel in just one second, everything is going to turn black, black and lifeless and he will have nowhere to go. But he can just let go of all this pain. All the gore in his life that he was never fond of doing. However he couldn’t, he couldn’t just die and let his brother feel the wrath and torment from his boss, the devil, and let him suffer all alone. If he suffers, Sehun is going to suffer with him. Together, they’re going to suffer together. So he’s white. He’s living in the white even though he despises white.

In just a matter of seconds, his eyes darted towards a remote cafe. It looked like it’s for the wealth, and it looked exactly like how the picture described it. The golden mahogany walls, shimmery well-lit interior and overpriced statues allocated at the center of the building provoked a much affluent appearance, as such showing Luhan is definitely paid a lot in terms of his salary, unlike Sehun. The only time he is rich is when there is a mission since the boss gives him loads of cash, gadgets and transportation.

Sehun walked purposefully, opening the door to the cafe and immediately greeted by an elegant waiter. He guided Sehun towards an empty table, obviously fine with seeing a leather-jacketed person draw his eyeliner super thick accompanied by the cigarette stick, unlit, in his mouth entering the cafe. Not surprised with the price of one coffee that Sehun can make at home, he ordered the cheapest javachip before proceeding to observe his surroundings.

And that’s when he spotted Luhan by the window beside him, eyes shut.

He was mesmerizing, with Sehun following the tender bones protruding from his exposed arms, and he could see the edges of his fine chin, shoulder blades, elbows, cheek bones, collarbones-- all the bones that seemed to outstand his inner beauty. There was a barely visible scratch under Luhan’s bottom lip, Sehun finding it very amusing and fascinating that no one probably took their time to see. It was the flutter of his eyelashes as the corners of his eye twitches instinctively, and the slight movement of his hair because of the unstable bobbing of his head. Sehun doesn’t know if he was sleeping or not, but he looked peaceful, and not what Sehun expected for his first impression. Sehun felt the first breath hitching in his throat when Luhan lifted his eyes, brown orbs bewitching. The second was the voice of him calling the waiter to add more sugar. Sugar. How tightening it was for Sehun to stop himself from screaming in pure agony. The cars on the street were blaring and scraping it’s tires against the concrete surface and they were even softer than his own heartbeat. He realized he has to kill this person, whom doesn’t look like a killer! He know he couldn’t judge him by his looks, but his actions itself doesn’t show how ‘metal’ he is made of.

This theory was absurd.

He didn't waste anymore time and quickly stood up from his table, dumping a wad cash for the inexpensive coffee before proceeding to go out to take a big breath of fresh air. Sehun drove down the Gangnam District, over to an abandoned park and sat down quietly. Words not spoken, tantrums not thrown, but just the staring into thin air. He took out his revolver, swinging the gun from side to side like a vigorous roller coaster. He could hear the faint blowing, silent whispering of the dead and alive, watching over graves and haunting-- souls detached, bodies torn apart, heart shattered to a million irrevocable pieces. He was one of those ghouls, out there to harm people and kill them, all because of trying to be a wanderer and a reckless young orphan that brought himself to danger. He was already stuck-- burned from the ashes of his upper hand’s cigarette, and a mark of slavery.

There was a sleek glint in his eyes. Sehun recoiled from his trance and before he knew it, he was already on his way back to the headquarters.


Luhan enjoyed watching people.

But he definitely enjoyed observing this particular guy that he couldn’t help but wonder, who is he? He was a new customer, but became a regular at the cafe he usually goes to. He also remembered that this guy likes to stare at him. Well, who don’t? Luhan has to admit that he has the looks, but he’s as lifeless as crap. This guy probably realized it already and stopped looking. Luhan knew he always has a cigarette stuck in between his mouth, but he never lights it up, even though Luhan has several times flicked his lighter and lighted his own cigarette, he never asked for the fire and left it hanging in between his lips.

Well, he doesn't really care anyway. Luhan barely cares for anyone now.

This, even though true, still agitates Luhan a little bit too much. It was simply awkward and Luhan was unaware of what he was doing until he tapped the stranger’s shoulder, and he looked up, an eyebrow raised.

“Hi,” Luhan simply said, sitting opposite of him and crossing his legs, “You are?”

The guy blinked at him before chuckling, “Took you long.”

“Uh?” Luhan questioned again.

He shrugged, “Sehun. As in it’s about time you talk to me.”

“What--” Luhan inched forward, “Sehun. Yes, your name, but what the hell?”

“Luhan, because I know you,” he smiled distinctively, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

Luhan liked the sound of his name at the tip of Sehun’s tongue. He frequently licks his lips, perhaps that’s another habit of his, other than putting cigarettes without smoking them. Everyone knows Luhan, because he’s popular at this cafe. Luhan this, Luhan that, Luhan everywhere. He’s all the waiter and waitresses talk about, handsome, smart, talented, but cold and quiet. Luhan never smiles, he never frowns, he never bows. He’s just like that. Calm, but not calm. Safe, but not safe either.

“Now that I’m talking to you, what made you think I would talk to you?”

“Because I annoy you, or basically ‘attract your attention’,” he air quoted, fiddling with the handle of his coffee and drinking it in one gulp. The waiter refilled it again, staring at Luhan too long before proceeding back to his counter.

“Yeah, okay. Your cigarette. You don’t smoke?”

“Nope,” Sehun popped the ‘p’, and answered as though it didn’t mean anything. Luhan cannot get through this guy’s thick head. What is wrong with him? Why is Luhan so immersed in trying to find out who he is? All he knows is that this Sehun guy is drop dead gorgeous, sometimes even much more gorgeous than Luhan is. Gorgeous is an understatement, Sehun is more than that.

Luhan, for the first time, felt attracted to someone.


Sehun felt accomplished, and he easily made Luhan talk to him. He was actually fairly easy to lure, not like the rest who barely gives in to Sehun's charms. Probably because he’s still a young adult, 22, not that old yet.

Whenever Sehun enters the cafe, Luhan will always be in his table, sipping his cup of coffee. Sehun figured he didn’t have to move because Luhan purposely sat there to talk to him, and so he did. They chatted normally, but Luhan never smiles. Whenever they talk, the only one who shows emotion would be Sehun. It kind of bothers him, he wonders why Luhan can never curve his lips up and show happiness. Even so, the way speaks shows that he is a total charmer, and it might be because he is an assassin as well since they have to interact to get to know the person that they are going to kill.

And got close ever since.

All Sehun could do was think of Luhan, how handsome and strapping he is that he forgot all about the job that he was assigned to do. To kill. But he couldn’t. Countless of times could he have placed the gun on Luhan’s head and blast his life away, but Sehun didn’t have the will to kill someone he actually likes.

Luhan’s eyes were lifeless, yes, he speaks like cold, hard metal, and all he can do is stare into thin air and throw all of his life away, but Sehun knows the real Luhan isn’t this type of Luhan. He’s sure that this was because of the upbringing since he’s young. Sehun felt the indescribable attraction with Luhan, uptight and irreversible.

Sehun didn’t know how Luhan felt with him, but even if he wasn’t sure of anything, he was sure he, himself, love Luhan.

Quite a lot, actually.


“Can I try something?”

Sehun snapped his head towards Luhan’s direction, “What thing?”

“I don’t know, cliff diving. Die for once,” he monotonously said, “And see if I can live again.”

“You’re pathetic,” Sehun huffed, flipping his bangs in the process.

“Do you know what’s pathetic, Sehun?” Luhan said, his back still leaning on Sehun’s passenger seat, “Seeing someone live after getting shot several times.”

“All you can talk about is killing people. What’s wrong with you?” Sehun raised his eyebrows unvoluntarily and started to open his car door when something hit Sehun’s head.

“Because, you’re one yourself.”

Sehun didn’t dare breathe, nor move an inch because the nuzzle of Luhan’s gun was pointed towards Sehun’s head. He knew. How stupid of Sehun to realize that he is an assassinator, of course he knows the tactics, maybe that’s because Luhan talked to him in the first place. I’m so sorry, Jongin.

“I can just kill you, Sehun, I can just pull the trigger and let you bleed yourself to death, become a fish out of the sea, birds without wings, flapping yourself for breath or torment you slowly,” Luhan hissed, forcing the gun harder to his head. “For playing with me, and knowing that I’m a die-hard assassinator, you have the guts, little Sehun.”

“Then do it. I don’t deserve living,” Sehun bravely said, knowing that it was all his fault and even if he’s cold, Sehun knows he still has emotions, “I’m sorry for tricking you.”

But instead of having his lights out, Sehun felt the gun slide down his back, and to his seat.

“I can’t.”

He spun around, baffled to see Luhan’s head bowed down, his tousled honey hair covering his face, “I can’t.”

“Why --”

Sehun felt a splint of lilac burst from his innards till the frame of his bones when Luhan leaned in and sealed his lips with a kiss. Sehun was in a pinnacle of yellow flames, burning brighter and hotter every second of his life as his body was pressed tighter to Luhan’s and they both shared passionate kisses; tongues gliding, lips slamming, bodies sliding against each other. It was a new feeling, an eternity paradise as Luhan intertwined his fingers to Sehun’s disheveled strands of hair. Why didn’t Sehun try this out before? If he knew he could get back intoxication, Sehun would have made out with Luhan at least once.

Sehun craved for the taste of Luhan’s lips, like coffee from the cafe they went to, and it was bittersweet. He pulled Luhan closer by his neck, a moan escaping his mouth as Luhan bit on his bottom lip. And he could taste the metallic sting -- blood -- at the tip of his mouth.

As soon as their lips parted, he wanted more of Luhan’s plump polished lips, eyes unfaltering and-- “Your hair is a mess.”

Sehun frowned as soon as those words escaped Luhan’s lips, fixing the sloppy edges due to Luhan’s hands before letting out a huge lung of breath; he realized he'd been holding that much.

“What --”

“Please, I just --” Luhan ruffled his own hair, “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know why. Don’t ask.”

“Okay,” Sehun nodded meekly, looking forward, “Yeah, okay.”

There was an eerie silence, almost ear-deafening yet soothing in the same time, because Sehun wouldn’t know what to say in such an awkward situation like how he is now.



They both spoke in the same time, and both heads snapped to face each other. “You go first,” they spoke in unison again.

“Luhan-- “

“I’ll go first. I need to, and I know that it might not be humane for me to kiss you because well, I’m like a freaking robot who doesn’t know how to love but I felt attraction and it was the first time I had ever thought of having emotions, and to be so defenseless in front of a person that could just kill me any second now was what I have always wanted to feel before I die. I wanted to try because I never believed in having affection towards someone because all I do is kill and see people die,” he spoke rapidly, not taking a breath, whatsoever, “Sehun, I think I might just be a tiny bit be in love to you.”

Sehun stared, blinked, furrowed his eyebrows at the man sitting next to him, “Do you have friends?”

“Kris. He knows me the most.”

“Do you know what you’re doing at the moment?”

“I’m being a childish asshole, and that is not Luhan, is that what you’re saying?” Luhan stabbed his finger to Sehun’s chest, “I told you I couldn’t-- I can’t even express-- just let me out of this damned place,” he was about to reach the handle, but Sehun’s fast reflexes pressed on the lock button of the car.

“Not that fast, Luhan.”

“Sehun,” he hissed.

“You have feelings, you have emotions, and no you don’t live for killing.”

Luhan slowly turned his head towards him, “No, I just-- No, I’m supposed to.”

“Well, then what are you doing?” Sehun smiled.

“I don’t know, but I just-- I can’t kill you, it’s the first time I can’t kill someone who wants to harm me,” he said softly; like a whisper.

“Because no human was born to kill. They were trained to, not born to. Not even you, who have been an assassinator since birth.”

“Yeah, of course you know everything about me seeing that my file is on the pouch of your backseat,” Luhan grumbled, “You’re super obvious, you know that?”

“No, I don’t. But I don’t know anything about you yet. I learned to know and love who you really are,” Sehun said, “But do you-- do you trust me, Luhan?”

Luhan’s eyes searched for any fragments of distrust or distaste of Sehun, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t find any, and for the first time, to let his emotions run wild was the piece of barrier that he have longed to unconceal, to reveal himself of the outer world and their beauty.

“I do.”

“I have to kill you. I have a brother who’s under hostage in my organization, and my job is to kill you. I don’t know why, but if I don’t, he’s going to die instead.”

“It’s because I killed one of your comrades before,” he chuckled mischievously, “Someone has to die in a battle, right?”

“I guess so,” Sehun whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Then kill me,” Luhan took his gun and placed it on his chest, “Kill me. I have lived long to realize that killing someone isn’t the only thing that I gain happiness from, and I learned that death isn’t so bad if you embrace it. I learned that there’s this guy named Sehun who fell in love with me, and I love that new feeling called ‘love’. Because of this, I’m complete. I’m leaving this world as a brand new person.”

Sehun softened at the what he said, “Thank you, Luhan. But I won’t kill you,” he said with confidence, “I’ll try to get this together without anyone dying.”


“For you to be able to express feelings,” Sehun looked at Luhan, “It’s already enough for me.”


“What happened to you?!”

“My boss,” Sehun wiped a streak of blood that is dripping down his lip, “Does this all the time when I don’t want finish my mission, or when I just want to quit.”

Luhan’s heart wrenched at the sight of his lover, all bloodied with shredded skin and blue eyes with scarred lips. And he knew it was all his fault.


“I won’t stop reminding you that I’m fine and I can handle it, I’ll get through this,” Sehun smiled, “My brother’s fine, we’ll go through this together.”

Luhan hoped what Sehun said was true.


Luhan gaped at the sight in front of him, “Sehun.”

Sehun limped into Luhan’s apartment, collapsing at the nearest sofa. He was badly bruised, again, all because he was desperately trying to persuade his boss by cancelling his mission of killing Luhan.

“I can explain--”

“Don’t try, please,” Luhan softly spoke, rushing towards his bathroom and taking out his first aid box, “Shit, I don’t know how to use this stupid thing.”

“Let me,” Sehun pushed himself up, but he felt something pushing him down by the chest. Sehun winced in pain, unable to stand up straight.

“Yifan, I can call Yifan,” Luhan scrambled with his phone, “Hello? Hello? Kris, Kris, Yifan, Jiaheng, Kevin, I need your help. Come to my apartment as soon as possible and if you don’t reach here in less than 1 minute I will personally go to your place and murder you by slicing your neck off--”

“Luhan,” Sehun whispered, “Don’t frighten your friend.”

“This is serious business!”

“I’m fine.”

“You say that every time and get a broken bone!”

The doorbell sonorously rang around the house, Luhan slamming the door open and throwing his hands around Yifan, “I told you to come earlier!”

“You called me 30 seconds ago, Luhan!” he said, barging into his apartment, “What is the damn problem-- oh.”

Sehun weakly grinned, “Hi. I’m Sehun, and you’re Yifan?” he tried to take his hand out, but Luhan’s reflexes stopped him from moving.

“Jiaheng! Move your ass here! Can’t you see he’s hurt?”

“Yes, Luhan. And stop calling me names! I’m called Yifan, for fucks sake.”

“Those were your nicknames, mind you.”

“I know.”

“You guys, don’t fight,” Sehun chuckled, but it ended up more like a cough rather than a laugh.

“Hold still, I’ll get you--”

“The first aid box is here.”

Yifan raised an eyebrow at the contrasting Luhan beside him, whose face was knitted with worry and hands fidgeting almost every second.

Since Yifan has learned and had gotten a doctoral degree at such a young age, Luhan trusted him a lot more than he trusts himself.

“This is going to hurt like shit,” Kris dabbed a piece of cloth onto Sehun’s forehead as he let out a strangled yelp.

“Don’t hurt him!” Luhan wailed, but Yifan swatted his hand away, muttering words of displease. Something between the lines of ‘nagging’ and ‘annoying’.

After a series of 10 minutes, with Luhan’s continuous slapping and Yifan’s whining, and Sehun’s shrieks, they were all good.

“Stay here for tonight,” Luhan mumbled, sweeping Sehun’s bangs off.

A tear fell from Sehun’s cheek, trailing down the sides of his eyes, “He threatened to kill my brother now.”


“Mind telling me the story, Luhan?”

“Sehun was someone I met from the cafe I usually go to. He was a queer person that got me so fondly attracted to his weird habits and extremely gorgeous complexion. And because I really was curious of him I decided to talk to him and I realized that he wasn’t so bad after all, so I had someone to talk to in the cafe, and a new friend, other than you. Turns out Sehun’s an assassinator, who’s out there to kill me.”

“Then why--”

“Not done yet, Yifan,” Luhan interrupted him.

Yifan pursed his lips, “Yeah, okay.”

“Sehun had plenty of chances in killing me, and I knew that he was out there to assassinate me when he left my file at the backseat of his car without even arranging the documents well. But no, Sehun didn’t kill me at all. He had so many opportunities but he didn’t grab them, so I trusted him, because I love him, and he loves me. At first I felt betrayed, why didn’t he tell me? However I thought of all the reasons and found out that it wasn’t his intention, and he never really wanted to kill anyone, just that he has a little brother under care in his organization, and he has to fulfill the boss’ needs or his brother is going to die.”


“Today, he was beaten up by his upperhand, again, for rebelling against him. This time, his brother’s in danger.”

“You have a serious love relationship problem,” Yifan laughed, hoping to raise his spirits up, but all Yifan could see was slumped Luhan who has no spirit at all.

“It’s all my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault, Luhan. I actually like this Sehun guy, you’re not so cold-hearted anymore. I realized that for quite a long time but I never dared ask you,” Yifan shrugged, “Guess it was Sehun, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, he’s an amazing person,” Luhan closed his eyes, “Yifan, would it be selfish of me to continue living?”

“No, why are you asking me this kind of question?”

“Because maybe if I died, Sehun could live a better life. He has a family, and his one and only family is his brother,” Luhan kicked a pebble, “I don’t have a family. I can just die peacefully.”

“Please don’t say that,” Yifan sighed, “There’s always a way out.”

“There’s none!” Luhan screamed out of frustration, “Even if we try, in a battle, someone has to die.”

Yifan saw the look of abdicate, worry filling the tip of Luhan’s brain. He’s really contemplating the consequences, all for a person.

“I cannot decide anything for you,” Yifan stood up, “But I’ll tell you that Sehun wouldn't want this."

“But you’re my closest friend, so you’re always by my side, right Yifan? And when I do leave, you will help me release his brother and Sehun from that horrible organization, okay?"

Yifan just walked away silently. He let the billowing wind sweep Luhan’s concerns away.


Sehun lifted his brother in the air, “Swing!”

Jongin giggled, “Hyung, put me down!”

“Alright,” Sehun listened and squatted beside him, “What do you want to do today?”

“Play in the woods!”

Sehun crossed his legs sadly, “We can’t go out, Jongin.”

“When will I ever see the world?” he stuck his bottom lip out, “All I see is grey, and hyung, and the devil.”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun kissed Jongin’s forehead, for bringing you into misery. But he just can’t seem to say those words out loud.

“Do you have fun in the outer world?”

“Not really, Jongin, honestly,” Sehun smiled, “But it is better than this place.”

“Will you bring me out to play someday?” Jongin flashed his crooked teeth at his brother, whom nodded because he couldn’t say no and keep his hopes low. He would rather lie.

The vibration coursing through his thigh made Sehun jump instinctively, fishing his cellphone from his pocket and pressing it to his ears, “Hello?”

A deep voice loomed from the other end, “Hi, this is Sehun, right? I’m Yifan, Luhan’s friend.”

“Ah, the one who healed me, thank you,” Sehun smiled, “Why did you call me, and how did you get my number?”

"I just want to tell you that... You're an amazing person, and if anything happens none of them is your fault," he spoke softly, a tinge of worry in the tone of his voice.

"What are you say-- "

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sehun stared at his phone for a fairly long time, brows furrowed seriously and he sighed, what is that?

"Hyung, who's that?"

"Oh, Yifan."


"Luhan's friend--" Sehun suddenly recognized the fear in Yifan's voice, a tad bit different than his usual voice and Sehun's mind goes blank, all of the pieces finally piecing itself together. Yifan, he probably got his number from Luhan.


“Jongin, I’ll be back,” Sehun quickly rushed out, his piece of mind currently somewhere else.


“Please. Nothing will happen to him,” he muttered to himself as he tracked down Yifan’s phone using his and it lead to a small warehouse.

Where to, sir?” his car spoke up.

Sehun adjusted his phone to the car with sweaty hands and a soft click sounded. The engine roared, and a GPS appeared, “This is our destination.”

On it.

He slammed on the gas pedal and ignoring the police who is definitely going to give him a speeding ticket, he dashed through cars and bikes, his body racing to find Luhan and to see if he was safe. Adrenaline pumped, the veins in his hands protrude mindlessly against the dark night, memories reaching out to him; glued and stuck to him without force. The faces and memories of Luhan flashed through Sehun’s eyes, and he swerved, almost collapsing against the railings of the bridge. But he jerked back, his chest clenching and teeth chattering. It’s all my fault.

Sir, turn left and we’re here.”

Sehun did as instructed and a small rusty warehouse came into view. It was abandoned, but about ten storey’s high. Sehun quickly rushed out of the car, but the microprocessor spoke again, “He’s on the rooftop.”

There were no elevators, damn this stupid place. It was probably chosen because Luhan didn’t want Sehun to reach him faster. His legs protested against him, telling him to stop running because it was too tired and too sick to move but Sehun forced himself up, running and huffing knowing that Yifan and maybe Luhan is in there somewhere. He hoisted his body towards the last flight of stairs when a brief bang made him stop in his tracks.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Sehun kicked the door open, a series of images flashed inside his mind. His heart wrenched inevitably, seeing blood trickling down his disarrayed honey brown hair, chest and down his waist, body sprawled all over the metal floor, eyes widened and numb.

The feeling was numb.

Luhan was fucking dead.

It wasn’t until Yifan came into view, gun at hand, that Sehun took his revolver and aimed like a flightless bird. With each step he took, the trigger sounds. He was just aiming, he didn’t know which direction to go and Yifan was just standing there because he knows Sehun would never kill him.















Sehun's gun slid out of his hands, unloaded, and dropped in front of yifan. It was then that tears slammed onto Sehun’s face, all of the emotions and to see Luhan not breathing in front of him, he cried, and he cried knowing he could remember this day and he just wants to forget. He wants to forget seeing Luhan so lifeless and not able to see him smile for the last time, the worries and the ‘v’ line that forms in between his brows when he frowns, his caressing fingers--


Everything was wrong.


“I’m sorry,” Yifan’s voice echoed in his ear, “I’m sorry.”


“Oh Sehun!”

“Here!” he sighed, standing up.

“Do you speak the truth and witness all that Wu Yifan has said?”

For the last time-- “Yes.”

“Case closed,” the judge said, hitting his gavel three times before standing up and walking away, with the other watchers following. Sehun flopped down on his seat, wiping the sweat that has formed on the tip of his forehead.

Yifan patted his back, “You’re free.”

“Thank you,” Sehun smiled as he sees Jongin run towards him with open arms. He scooped him up happily, “We’re free now, Jongin-ah.”

“I want to be like Yifan hyung and help protect Sehun hyung from the evil devil!” Jongin exclaimed, chuckling.

Sehun smiled, giving Jongin back to his current caretaker as Yifan took the seat beside him, “I... Luhan gave me something.”

Sehun’s head snapped up at the sound of his lover’s name, “What?”

“Before he told me to kill him, he gave me something. When I release your brother and you, then I could give it to you, and I did, so yes, he told me to give you this,” Yifan fished a cigarette out, but it didn’t seem like one.

“What is this used for?”

Yifan shrugged, “I’m not sure myself. Luhan said it’s a cigarette that doesn’t harm you because the fire and smoke is fake and it’s basically used to act like you smoke when you actually don’t.”

Sehun recalled his recollections with Luhan a year before, all of the car dates and coffee breaks they take when they’re just in their own world, and the leaves rustle against their skin as autumn came.

And Sehun remembers.

He didn’t stop crying after that. Being held in Yifan’s arms isn’t helping either. It was the only thing he could keep in memory to Luhan, the person who meant to him the most.

“What is it used for?” Yifan soothed Sehun’s back as he stopped bawling.

He chuckled, throat hoarse, “Cafe. I was forced to put on a cigarette for bad boy image. And Luhan just... he was the first to realize. And this is... this present is hilarious, but it means so much to me now.”

Yifan pulled Sehun close as tears fell again. The amount of crying Sehun did is uncountable, but the tears just never ran out. Time never ran out, even though Sehun hoped it did and love never did ran out.

but Sehun hoped it never will.


“Yeah, okay. Your cigarette. You don’t smoke?”

“Nope,” Sehun popped the ‘p’, and answered as though it didn’t mean anything.

Tags: g: angst, g: character death, g: romance, p: hunhan, r: pg-13, t: la douleur exquise
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